


Pretty

by mmmdraco



Category: Hikaru no Go
Genre: Genderqueer, Other
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-10-04
Updated: 2012-10-04
Packaged: 2017-11-15 14:53:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,359
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/528486
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mmmdraco/pseuds/mmmdraco
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The camo pants and loose-fitting tank tops are a mask to remind him of what the world wants to see.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Pretty

"Waya, is that a bobby pin in your hair?" Isumi reached over and pulled it out and Waya winced as a few hairs came along with it.

"Yeah, I was trying to see if my forehead would look too big if I shaved my head," Waya said as he plucked at the front of his loose-fitting tank top and tried to wave it back and forth to cool himself off in the summer heat.

Isumi wiped a thin sheen of sweat from his upper lip and leaned back on the bench they were sharing just barely within the shade. "Yeah, this heat is enough to make anyone consider doing that. Or you could grow it out and put it up in a ponytail."

Waya scowled. "I'm not a girl."

"Do only girls get to wear ponytails?"

"Don't they?" Waya stood up from the bench. "I feel like I just rolled around in pudding or something. I'm going to go home and take a shower."

Isumi waved at him. "I'll talk to you later."

Waya walked away, regretting that he'd still chosen to wear a pair of the thick camoflage-print pants that were his usual garb. It wasn't a long trip back to his apartment, but it really was a humid day and Waya was glad to strip off his clothes and hop into the shower. He washed the product out of his hair and lathered his legs and underarms with shaving cream and carefully shaved off three day's growth. He washed his face and stood for a long moment under the water, letting the cooling spray bombard his body.

Wrapped in a towel, Waya walked over to the mirror and wiped it somewhat clear with his hand and frowned at his face. He dug a pair of tweezers from the medicine chest and plucked out a few stray eyebrow hairs, having to pause after each one to wipe the mirror clean again. He dried his hair and combed it down against his head with a side part and slid two bobby pins in to hold his fringe out of his eyes. He swiped on a shimmery lip gloss and smiled faintly to himself in the mirror.

It took a moment to pick out what to wear. He chose a pair of tight-fitting underwear and tucked himself as flat as he could inside them, then an ankle-length olive green peasant skirt. Waya frowned as he noticed a spot he'd missed shaving that was near his ankle, but figured it didn't matter that much. He added a white halter top to his look and an unbuttoned pale pink cardigan. 

He stood in front of the mirror hanging on the back of his bedroom door and smiled at his reflection. He leaned forward slightly and pushed his shoulders forward to see what he'd look like with a hint of cleaveage. With a last adjustment of his hair, Waya opened his bedroom door and headed toward the living room, but froze suddenly, his breath catching in his throat. "What are you doing here?"

Isumi cleared his throat and held something up. "You left your phone on the bench. I figured you were still in the shower, so I let myself in. Yoshitaka-"

"It's a joke," Waya said suddenly. "I made a bet with a friend. You don't know him. I have to dress up like this and flirt with ten guys at a bar."

"You don't have to lie to me."

Waya tried to glared at Isumi, but it didn't quite work. "I'm not-"

"Do you know how many times I've caught you looking at something pink and sparkly, or how many times we've been flipping through the channels and you've paused just a little longer on some magical girl show than on anything else? I was beginning to wonder if you were a lolicon or something, but this makes just as much sense."

"Okay, fine. So you know."

"Will you sit down and talk with me?" 

Waya hesitated for a moment, but eventually walked forward and made himself as comfortable as he could when the impending conversation bore down upon him. "Okay. Um, I don't really know what to say."

"I'll start with a few questions then," Isumi said as he sat on the far end of the couch from Waya. "How long has this been going on?"

Waya shrugged and felt the thin cardigan droop down one of his shoulders. "How long have I felt this way? Since I was a little boy. How long have I been acting on it? Maybe a month."

"What do you feel, exactly?" Isumi folded his hands in front of him and looked at Waya carefully, but it didn't feel too horrible.

Waya tucked a strand of hair back behind his ear. "I feel like I should have been born as a girl."

"Does this help?" Isumi said and gestured to the outfit. 

"A little? I haven't gotten up the nerve to wear it outside of the apartment, though. But I would like to see if I could pass."

"Pass?"

"Look enough like a woman to get treated like one."

Isumi smiled. "Well, the Adam's apple might give you away, but otherwise? I think you could. Maybe wait until winter so you can wear a turtleneck?"

Waya suddenly choked back a sob. "Do you hate me?"

"Why would I hate you, Yoshitaka? Because you own more than camoflage pants and tank tops? You're being you. That's important." Isumi pulled a handtowel from his pocket and handed it to Waya. "Here. It's clean."

Dabbing at his eyes, Waya shivered even in the warmth of his apartment. "The camo... It's like a mask, I guess. When I wear it, it helps me remember to be more manly in what I do and so I don't go saying things about how I want to go to Thailand to get done."

Isumi's eyes widened. "So you want to get the whole..." He held up his fingers in an imitation of scissors.

"I don't know." Waya shrugged. "I'm actually seeing a counselor about this. It's helping me, but I'm still exploring how deep this goes. What if I never get to a point where I'm comfortable with all of my bits and pieces?"

"Are any of us ever?" Isumi pointed to his right ear. "This ear turns out just a little more than the other. Everyone tells me they can't notice, but I do." He slid one foot from his slipped and pulled off his sock and wiggled his toes. "My three middle toes are slightly webbed and the knuckle of my big toe is really hairy." He laughed softly. "We all want to see different things in the mirror than what are actually there. It's just part of the human experience."

"But what happens if I get to the point that I can't turn back?" Waya pulled his feet up beside him and tucked them under the hem of his skirt.

"Come to me, or your counselor, before you take any steps. As long as you're not getting surgery, there isn't anything you can't come back from, and I doubt you'd do that unless you were absolutely certain."

"So you really don't care?"

"You're my friend. I care, but not in a bad way. I care that I obviously ignored your hurting for a long time. I'm sorry about that."

"Shin-chan," Waya said softly, "I've just gotten very, very good at hiding it."

Isumi picked up the remote control and turning on the television and flipped through a few channels until he found something suitably girly playing. "You don't have to hide it around me anymore. I'm your friend, Yoshitaka. You can tell me anything."

"I..." Waya smiled at the bright colors that glinted off Isumi's eyes from the television. "My name is Waya Yoshitaka. I like to play go, paint my fingernails and go window shopping."

"You're not a new person. You don't have to introduce yourself again. I just know more about you now. Is there anything else you'd like to know about me?"

Waya clutched his hands together. "Whether you think I'm pretty?"

Isumi smiled. "Beautiful."


End file.
